Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr! I am angry today. Yesterday and today for some reason I am just not in the mood. For anything. The kids are whining, I’m tired and nothing is going right. Sometimes that just the way it is. And I hate it. It’s a good reminder, in a way, though. Because this is what I used to feel like almost all the time. God did deliver me from my anger. Not that I don’t still get frustrated or overact at times, but praise God it’s not a continual irritation at every little thing. It’s hard to live like that. As I am being reminded today …

If you have a complaining spirit–you know who I am you are!–and find yourself whining and wishing or obsessing about one desire after another, YOU NEED TO READ NUMBERS 11 and 12. What a rich lesson that I’ve always just skimmed over in the past. In this part of Moses’ story, the Israelites, who have been saved from slavery remember, are complaining, not because they have NEED of anything, but because they are bored. Bored with the manna that God has provided them in the desert so they do not starve. Not only does their complaining spirit reveal a lack of faith in the circumstances God has put you in and an ungratefulness for what God has provided, but it is a form of rejecting God! In verse 20 of Numbers 11 God says the people have “rejected the LORD.” What is their punishment? They get what they ask for! Meat, more meat than they can stand. And it was to their own demise, for the meat carried a plague that killed every last one of those who desired it. Be careful what you pray for. Instead of attempting to satisfy unhealthy cravings, pray that you would desire what God wants for your life so that you don’t miss out on his wonderful blessings, like the promised land.

“The LORD heard you when you wailed, ‘If only we had meat to eat! We were better off in Egypt!’ Now the LORD will give you meat, and you will eat it. You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, ten or twenty days, but for a whole month—until it comes out of your nostrils and you loathe it—because you have rejected the LORD, who is among you.” Numbers 11:18-20

I’ve struggled my entire life with self-esteem, and I tend to put my worth in my appearance. If only I lose this weight, try this hair ‘do, wear that makeup, or buy this sweater … Just so you know, it’s never worked. At least not long-term. Even if I believed I was liked for my appearance, it wasn’t good enough. I so desperately want to be smart, creative, funny and interesting. I often put up facades with people, afraid if they really get to know me, they would find me boring.

It’s a constant struggle to balance being unique with fitting in, isn’t it? We usually think of identity as what makes us different. But the Latin origin is identitās or ident, meaning “repeat” or the same. To be able to identify something, you have to know what’s similar, to have something to compare it to. Children can’t identify an apple until they’ve seen more than one, for example.

The trouble is, we usually compare ourselves to the world. People are desperate to discover themselves, looking to anything to find their identity through appearance, family, friends, occupation, even failures and sins. But that is not what defines you. If you let it, you will be chasing something like a hamster in a wheel.

To put your identity in this world, is to rely on things that are temporal, changing from year to year or day to day, even hour to hour. Your self-worth is not in what you look like or what you do. It’s in who you are. It’s natural to look to your family, your parents, to discern who you are. We are relational beings after all, it’s how God created us. I’m a mother, wife, daughter, sister … All things that are well and good. But I am more than a physical being. I have been created in the image of God, a spiritual being.

If we can look to our birth fathers to tell us who we are, how much more can we identify with a Heavenly Father to tell us who we are spiritually? As Bob George writes in his book Classic Christianity: “There is only one way to determine your identity that cannot be shaken, one foundation that cannot be taken away from you: ‘I am a child of God.’ “

Even Jesus, “knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come forth from God and was going back to God” …washed the disciples feet. With full confidence in who He was in His Father, he humbled himself to the lowliest of positions in the society (even slaves weren’t to touch their masters feet). Setting the ultimate example for us, Jesus shows that we can have full confidence in who we are in Christ to accomplish His work for us on this earth.

Our Bible study leader likened it to the children’s book, Are You My Mother? about a little bird desperately searching for his mom. He realizes none of the things he comes across are anything like him, they are not the same. He is searching for his identity, who is he? When he finally finds his mom, he knows! The bird is home and his mother’s right there ready with a worm to feed him.

Once we finally look to our Heavenly Father to find our identity, we can stop looking to the world for our confidence. We can truly know that we are “home.” To top it off, we will be ready to accept whatever he has prepared for us in advance. He wants to feed you, to bless you! Don’t you just love that? He is just waiting for you, to shower you with blessings!

“You are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God.” I Peter 2:9

13 things I learned through high school, although I may not have realized it until years later:

13: God is watching over you, protecting you from the world and keeping you on His path, even when you would never know it.

I was about to throw this out the other day and I thought maybe I could give it a try once more to find out what in the world this kitchen utensil is? I inherited it with several other when cleaning out someone’s kitchen drawers. I never knew what it was, and I’ve never used it! So, if you have a clue, please let me know! It’s driving me cRaZy!

I started BSF, Bible Study Fellowship. BSF is an intense, international Bible study class that takes seven years to complete, if you engage in the entirety of the program. It’s very different from any Bible study or small group I have ever participated in. I am not overly excited nor am I going begrudgingly. I just know it’s something I’m supposed to do. Now. I am feeling the urgency to get my nose in the Word regularly, and the daily homework and classroom setting will keep me accountable. I had received a lot of recommendations from women in the past and finally followed through, taking the opportunity to be obedient. I have to admit, I was motivated partially by the children’s classes they offer. My kids will be learning the same Biblical accounts, hymns and lessons as me. And we get out of the house for a couple hours on a Wednesday morning!

But, I also want my calling to the class to mean something, so I have made some changes to be sure that I read and at least attempt to answer the questions that come with the in-depth study. Wouldn’t you know, we’re studying the life of Moses and my first lesson was on the jubilee. More interestingly, the blessings that come from obedience. Two days after my first session, Matt blind-sided me with a discussion about whether I was feeling fulfilled with my role as a mom in the house (ahem, not something we discuss often at least not on a serious note). I have taken on a lot of new activities lately and have become rather “busy.” Is it busyness for the sake of being busy? We had a great discussion that followed about us and our marriage. And I realized that I had given up on us. Not in the sense that “all is lost” or that we had failed, but that I was fine with the way things were and wasn’t expecting new blessings in our marriage. Turns out I was just being selfish, thinking that it didn’t matter anymore what was best for “us.”

God showed me how wrong I was! What a opportunity to be reminded how blessed I already am and to know that there is always hope for new opportunities to grow in my relationship with my husband. It’s easy to forget after almost 10 years (our anniversary is in July!) and a lot of “life” that gets in the way how much we really do mean to each other. We’re not “room-mates” or even “partners.” We are one, united with Christ by our commitment to love one another and serve Him with our lives. I couldn’t be happier.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

White. Black. Brown. Yellow. Red. Not exactly colors of the rainbow, but there’s beauty in the diversity of women all over the world. But what makes them different also brings them together: color. Thevi Cosmetics‘ sleek, modern line of cosmetics in rich and vibrant shades is just one new line that celebrates the unity of color. “Color is influenced by lifestyle, fashion, home décor, tradition, every aspect of our lives,” explained founder Thevaki Thambirajah. “We have an opportunity to emphasize not a trend but an everyday expression of self, femininity and powerfulness in a dramatic way for every woman, through color cosmetics.”

Thevi launched last year, targeting the “new ethnic” woman, light-dark skinned women of Asian, South Asian, Hispanic, Middle Eastern and Mediterranean decent. One of Thambirajah’s goals was to provide sophisticated, educated, affluent women a prestige makeup brand with high-end packaging. The sleek, modern line celebrates color in rich and vibrant shades. Inspiration came from her own life as a first generation American who grew up in a multi-ethnic culture and is adapting those color traditions into everyday looks.

Although she plans to introduce the Thevi line to retail stores this year, Thambirajah is relying on a grassroots marketing campaign to build a following first. Her future goal is to partner with retailers who understand the ethnic market, where ethnic shopping is higher. But it will take time. “Retailers are not confident and it is a risky venture especially in this economic climate,” explained Thambirajah. “I won’t succeed unless I have a loyal customer base that identifies with the message.” In the meantime, she is looking for other opportunities for consumers to test and try the products and build awareness until they are available at retail. Read more in the December issue of Global Cosmetic Industry magazine: Ethnic Cosmetics Fit New Beauty Paradigm.

For more Wordless Wednesday entries: WordlessWednesday.com and 5 Minutes for Mom.

I attended a baby shower of sorts for a good friend this weekend. It’s her third baby and he was born the day after Christmas, but we wanted to celebrate with her in some way. The host asked me to give a short devotional and/or prayer. I can’t say no, Erica’s like a sister to me. But no matter how nervous I was about speaking in front of everyone, I was determined not to “prepare” something. The night before we had our couple’s weekly Bible study and part of our discussion centered on allowing God to live through you, instead of trying, on our own, even if its effort to serve in ministry or be like Jesus. A simple but profound distinction.

So, the next morning even though I was in a rush to get there on time, I knew if God was going to speak through me, I’d better get my nose in the Word! I read the simple passage from Job about God bringing quiet into our lives. Quiet! Be still! Ok, yeah, yeah. I get it. I closed my Bible and headed out the door. As I was driving to the brunch, I began thinking about my friend and her baby and my favorite time with my little ones: nursing in the middle of the night, rocking my baby and looking down on their sweet little faces. There’s nothing more tumultuous than a new baby in a family, but in that moment, everything seems just right. Then it hit me. Ohh … THAT’s what God wants with us. For us to look up in His face in the storm and allow everything else around to quiet. Precious time with our sweet Father. Bonding.

So, I had something God gave me to share. Short and sweet.

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10