The past two weeks, he has not wanted to go his Bible class at BSF. He doesn’t scream or make a fuss. I think it would be easier if he did. He simply tightens his grip around my neck, tells me quietly “I don’ want to go Bible cwass” while a single tear runs down his cheek. Breaks. my. heart. Because it’s not like him to be concerned about my leaving, it makes it difficult to make the right choice. Last week, I even stepped into the room with him, and immediately regretted it. Eventually I got away, but I know I just made it harder for both of us. At any rate, a few minutes after I leave he’s fine and I always pick up a happy little boy who tells me how much fun he had that day. So, I’m hoping it’s a phase. Either way, it’s as sad as it is “rewarding” to know that he wants to be with me. A mom can’t help but have her heart swell at a child’s desire to remain in her arms! Their little hugs, especially when they cling on with all their might, are just one of the best feelings in the world.

Puts things in a new perspective when I think about how difficult it must have been for God to turn His back on His Son on the cross, even though it was the right thing to do–His plan even. Jesus suffered a disconnect so painful that it caused Him to bleed sweat. It’s been said that the physical pain was nothing to Jesus, it was the emotional and spiritual suffering on the cross that made it such a difficult plan to execute. I never really understood that. I mean, He KNEW it was necessary. He KNEW it was for a limited time. He KNEW the outcome. He KNEW everything. And, yet, He suffered because of His separation from God the Father. Because he was completely and totally dependent on Him.

Sadly, what caused Jesus great concern is normal, everyday stuff to us. We make choices on a daily basis to separate ourselves from God without the least bit of concern. At least I do. I know I need to spend more time in prayer and in God’s Word when I can go a day and not realize that I didn’t spend time with Him! How can I be totally dependent on Him, put my trust fully in Him, if I don’t have that kind of relationship? Now that I have BSF homework, which is best accomplished in daily, bite-sized studies, it is my prayer that I spend that time to digest it one day at a time, instead of “overeating” once or twice per week. I know it’s what He wants, and it’s what my body needs.