I started BSF, Bible Study Fellowship. BSF is an intense, international Bible study class that takes seven years to complete, if you engage in the entirety of the program. It’s very different from any Bible study or small group I have ever participated in. I am not overly excited nor am I going begrudgingly. I just know it’s something I’m supposed to do. Now. I am feeling the urgency to get my nose in the Word regularly, and the daily homework and classroom setting will keep me accountable. I had received a lot of recommendations from women in the past and finally followed through, taking the opportunity to be obedient. I have to admit, I was motivated partially by the children’s classes they offer. My kids will be learning the same Biblical accounts, hymns and lessons as me. And we get out of the house for a couple hours on a Wednesday morning!

But, I also want my calling to the class to mean something, so I have made some changes to be sure that I read and at least attempt to answer the questions that come with the in-depth study. Wouldn’t you know, we’re studying the life of Moses and my first lesson was on the jubilee. More interestingly, the blessings that come from obedience. Two days after my first session, Matt blind-sided me with a discussion about whether I was feeling fulfilled with my role as a mom in the house (ahem, not something we discuss often at least not on a serious note). I have taken on a lot of new activities lately and have become rather “busy.” Is it busyness for the sake of being busy? We had a great discussion that followed about us and our marriage. And I realized that I had given up on us. Not in the sense that “all is lost” or that we had failed, but that I was fine with the way things were and wasn’t expecting new blessings in our marriage. Turns out I was just being selfish, thinking that it didn’t matter anymore what was best for “us.”

God showed me how wrong I was! What a opportunity to be reminded how blessed I already am and to know that there is always hope for new opportunities to grow in my relationship with my husband. It’s easy to forget after almost 10 years (our anniversary is in July!) and a lot of “life” that gets in the way how much we really do mean to each other. We’re not “room-mates” or even “partners.” We are one, united with Christ by our commitment to love one another and serve Him with our lives. I couldn’t be happier.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Dear Lord,

In Jesus’ Name,
AMEN

I did it. With a little help from the big Man upstairs, of course. It has been quite some time since I have gotten up in the morning with my husband to make his lunch … since before my 15-month old son was born. I was just too exhausted. And rightly so at 7 months pregnant and chasing a toddler. But I just haven’t been able to snap out of my new routine–sleeping.

But I was reading last night the truth of God’s word in Genesis 2:18: And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

The Bible is clear that a married woman’s life and ministry are to be centered in her home, and God’s plan for me is that I be devoted to serving my husband and children. I am uniquely designed to care for and nuture my family, and I believe there is no greater calling than to be a wife and mother. Yet, I have realized I have become selfish with my time and attitude. Not just in the morning when I am sleeping while my husband gets ready for work, but with my attitude toward my role in the family. This is my job now, to care for the home and the people within it. By whining about my chores and wishing for an easier time or more help or recognition, I am losing sight of my current life purpose. I am reminded now to work instead as if working for the Lord and not for myself.

One of my friends wisely said: Even when I am not recognized for my effots–that is, I think “why should I do this when my husband doesn’t even notice”–remember that through your efforts, you are serving God himself and obeying His will for your life.

So, there was no denying it when I woke up this morning when my husband got out of bed. I had prayed for God’s help the night before to have the energy and desire to get up out of bed and make my husband’s lunch. It’s a small step in serving but I think it has a huge impact not only on my husband but on myself and my perspective on life, and God, who will credit me with righteousness for obeying Him.

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” Colossians 3:23

Read about other Tacklers at 5 Minutes for Mom.

I am an inside-the-box thinker. I tend toward the obvious solution, the one most widely accepted or anticipated. My husband is most definitely an outside-the-box type. That’s what makes him a great engineer. But it also means he gets a lot of eye rolls from me for his ideas.

Not too long ago, he presented his next million-dollar idea. Because I am hearing impaired, I started watching television with the captions on, and now I am addicted. This makes going to the movies increasingly difficult. He suggested glasses that I could wear, somewhat akin to 3-D glasses, where I would be able to see captions displayed on the screen that wouldn’t have to interfere with other moviegoers views. “Ridiculous!” I thought, nobody is going to think that’s a good idea, although I might be willing to try it so that I could “hear” the conversations I often miss on the big screen. 

Not two weeks later, imagine my shock when I heard a  health news update on this very topic on a closed circuit tv while I was waiting at my doctor’s office (for a painstaking hour-plus, with the kids)! Microvision is developing what look like regular sunglasses that allow moviegoers to watch captions on the screen. While their proposal was exciting, it looks like a long period of R&D before their technology can come to fruition.

Long story short, I’m taking my husbands ideas more seriously. They may not be so bad after all!

“Non-sexual touch is an oxymoron.”

One of my favorite things in the entire world is massage. This “touch” can range from playing with my hair to neck effleurage to a full-on Swedish back massage. With sitting at the computer, holding my kids, playing on the floor and washing dishes as part of my daily routine, my upper back and shoulders are so extremely tight all the time. But it is nearly impossible to get my husband to give my muscles any attention. I know I am not alone. This seems to be a hot topic among many married women. Why is that?

According to our pastor, 80% of touch should be non-sexual. And women need non-sexual touch 8 times a day. Sorry, this does not include butt slaps and boob grabs. Unfortunately for my husband, who tried yesterday to be aware of his touch after the Sunday message, I barely noticed. I think the problem here is that it’s not a magical mathmatical formula. Touch is part of creating a healthy environment where we feel loved and cherished.

But I will say, massage scores big points with me, and I can’t imagine it not leading to more sex (although my husband feels otherwise). That being said, do you think I’ll get a massage tonight? Not likely. Even if I directly request it, he somehow is able to avoid the task and the subject. He’s like a magician that makes unwanted requests disappear into thin air, because I don’t even realize it happens until it’s too late and he’s fast asleep. This wasn’t the case last night, so I am not sure why I am thinking about it now. But I guess if a guy can think about sex every 17 seconds, I can dream about massages a couple times a day!

“Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.” 1 Peter 3:7

See also Lies men believe.

“The best way to provide for my family is to work, work, work.”

Our men have a desire to protect and provide. Usually, guys are so focused on this that they forget what we need is … them. I want my husband home for supper—physically and mentally. I want him to have fun with us in the evening and on the weekends and for him leave his work at work. Granted it’s great to have a house to live in, food on the table and clothes to wear. And sometimes we get caught up in the confusion of “need” versus “want” and put unnecessary pressure on our husbands, too. But I think I speak for every married woman I know when I say I would rather have my husband chasing after me than a promotion.

I am very thankful to have just such a husband. But I know some whose husbands have forgotten what follows Ephesians’ verse on submission: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her … In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies.” Ephesians 5:25, 28

Now, for anyone whose husband works his butt off to just have ends meet, especially so that you can stay home, I applaud him. But if he is in it for the glory, a bigger house or a basement full of toys, my heart goes out to you. How much is too much? I guess that’s the tough question. If his work takes priority over his family, though, I hope he will someday be convicted of his distraction so that he will not miss out on his wife and kids. Maybe you can get him to watch Adam Sandler’s movie Click with you to illustrate how you feel!

“But the worries of this life, the decietfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the word, making it unfruitful.” Mark 4:19

See also Lies men believe #2.

Even though the emphasis may be different, the roles of emotional and physical connection in a marriage are intertwined.

The pastor of our church today described men and women using the analogy of a house circuit breaker. It was an analogy I hadn’t heard before and I thought I would share it, in case it might help you or your husband understand how you are (most likely) wired.

The circuit breakers in your home are automatically operated electrical switches designed to protect an electrical circuit from damage. Men are wired with several circuits—the ability to compartmentalize all areas of their lives—whereas all women have just one circuit—which gives us the ability to multi-task I guess. When there is a breakdown and the circuit shorts, men can still operate with full power in other areas of their lives. What they don’t always realize is that when there’s a circuit short for women, the entire house goes dark. If there is an argument or a lack of connection during the day and the shortage isn’t taken care of, we are unable to see past the infraction to enjoy other aspects of the relationship. In other words, he’s not going to be able to light your world if you’re dealing with a blackout! This can send couples into an unfortunate cycle of not meeting each other’s needs. Being aware of even this one difference between us women and our male counterparts can go a long way in understanding how to, uh, get what we need in the way of an emotional and physical connection.

“The LORD God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.’ … The man said, ‘This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man.’ For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:18, 23-24