Jesus goes out of his way and patiently waits for us to be ready for him. But in order to know the truth of who God is, we need to first know the truth of who we are.

Do not be discouraged if God brings sins to light that you haven’t seen before. “To feel a worse sinner than ever before, as a result of reading the Bible or deliberately receiving Christ through the person of the Holy Spirit, is progress. The dead feel nothing. (Lesson 7, Series V, BSF)”

We need to first be convicted of sin, grieve that sin and then turn from it. Do I want true repentance? Do I truly want to turn from my sin? Do I rationalize the truth? If I don’t, I can’t truly be satisfied by the living water Jesus offers.

The past two weeks, he has not wanted to go his Bible class at BSF. He doesn’t scream or make a fuss. I think it would be easier if he did. He simply tightens his grip around my neck, tells me quietly “I don’ want to go Bible cwass” while a single tear runs down his cheek. Breaks. my. heart. Because it’s not like him to be concerned about my leaving, it makes it difficult to make the right choice. Last week, I even stepped into the room with him, and immediately regretted it. Eventually I got away, but I know I just made it harder for both of us. At any rate, a few minutes after I leave he’s fine and I always pick up a happy little boy who tells me how much fun he had that day. So, I’m hoping it’s a phase. Either way, it’s as sad as it is “rewarding” to know that he wants to be with me. A mom can’t help but have her heart swell at a child’s desire to remain in her arms! Their little hugs, especially when they cling on with all their might, are just one of the best feelings in the world.

Puts things in a new perspective when I think about how difficult it must have been for God to turn His back on His Son on the cross, even though it was the right thing to do–His plan even. Jesus suffered a disconnect so painful that it caused Him to bleed sweat. It’s been said that the physical pain was nothing to Jesus, it was the emotional and spiritual suffering on the cross that made it such a difficult plan to execute. I never really understood that. I mean, He KNEW it was necessary. He KNEW it was for a limited time. He KNEW the outcome. He KNEW everything. And, yet, He suffered because of His separation from God the Father. Because he was completely and totally dependent on Him.

Sadly, what caused Jesus great concern is normal, everyday stuff to us. We make choices on a daily basis to separate ourselves from God without the least bit of concern. At least I do. I know I need to spend more time in prayer and in God’s Word when I can go a day and not realize that I didn’t spend time with Him! How can I be totally dependent on Him, put my trust fully in Him, if I don’t have that kind of relationship? Now that I have BSF homework, which is best accomplished in daily, bite-sized studies, it is my prayer that I spend that time to digest it one day at a time, instead of “overeating” once or twice per week. I know it’s what He wants, and it’s what my body needs.

Sometimes people find little significance in Satan’s “lie” to Eve in the garden. I mean after all, she and Adam didn’t “die” afterall, did they? Depends on your definition. They were forever separated from God physically as well as from the Tree of Life and the garden of paradise. As one friend pointed out the last time we studied this passage, how did they even know what “death” was anyway? Nobody had died before and there was no expectation of their death. But instead of being sent to the ground, they were sent away (interestingly enough, leaving the tree in tact instead of taking it away, not a bad piece of parenting advice). The way I see it, death=separation.

There is nothing we can do to fix that broken covenant. But God has made it possible to commune with Him again. When I submitted my life to Christ as a sophomore in high school, I bridged that gap (well, Jesus did, but my decision is what seals the deal for me). I have been called by speakers on two occasions recently to “remember” my past, specifically the journey to a life submitted to Christ. With the second prompting this morning at BSF, I decided I better not ignore the Spirit again (and facebook makes it so easy)! I sent a note to two people from those days who had the clearest impact in helping me develop a desire for something more, and leading me spiritually to an understanding of who Jesus is and why I am in need of Him.

It’s easy once we become Christians to forget the transition that we made to a life of Christ, and what it means. LIFE instead of DEATH. Now, with every decision we make, if we listen to the Spirit leading our lives, we can lead to others making the ultimate decision as well. Our job is to point people to Christ. It’s not about us. It’s all about Him.

After making this realization, I decided I had to get more intentional. Thankfully, we’ve gotten into a good routine each day of school-lunch-play-homework-quiet time-dinner-play-bed time. So, on Wednesdays, when Charlie and I have BSF, all three of us do the children’s lesson for that day together before Avery does her school work. Then, on Friday (for which homework each week is simply to go through her reader with me) I’ll have a weekly Bible lesson–just me and Avery. This week, since it was such a spur of the moment (albeit of Divine inspiration), we simply talked about the Holy Trinity. We practiced writing the letters for and spelling: God, Jesus and Spirit. She drew a triangle and wrote each name on it and I explained the relationship of three in one. It won’t be the first or the last time she’s heard some of what I said, but timeless, simple truths can’t be overdone.

The study is of John this year. Not only is it a well-known, well-loved book in the Gospels of the New Testament, but John is a love letter. A love letter from the Lord to you (and me). And what makes that especially important to me right now is that I have realizing that I struggle with this “little” detail, making it personal. I know God loves US. I know that God loves YOU. But does He really love ME? When I sing Jesus Loves Me, I always say “you.” Usually I am singing to my kids, but I noticed that I mean it. When I try to sing it to myself, it just doesn’t sit right. Still? Really? After all this time of me saying I am a Christ-follower but I continue to try and fail to do things on my own (and sometimes I have completely given up trying altogether)? My priorities are completely out of whack and I know it.

My prayer this year is that God would reveal Himself to me in a way that brings excitement and vibrancy to my relationship with Him again. Who is Jesus to me? What does He want me to hear? Is he really Lord of my life? What priorities, habits or attitudes do I need to change to stop wasting my life and living for Him? What choices do I have to make my life intimate with Jesus? To really know Him.

I don’t want to be a fake Fendi (Sorry, SATC reference)! I want to be the real deal. We live in a culture that makes it difficult. God’s deity is challenged more and more everyday and Christians have become accustomed to being silent, and lukewarm. But really,truthfully I believe that if we completely and totally understand God’s love for us, each and every person as an individual, we wouldn’t be able to NOT desire that intimacy in our lives and as a result stand up for our faith and spread the Good News. The only way to do that is to translate from the Bible to your heart. To my heart. The adventure begins.

First, you have to pursue God. Develop a relationship with Him, spend time in prayer and in reading the Bible, to catch a glimpse of who we are in Him. Who God sees us to be. Basically, lay the foundation for wise decisions that will keep us on God’s designed path for our lives. Okay, gotta work on that one. With our new schedule, my priorities have really slipped. It doesn’t take long to replace good habits with bad ones!

Second, make decisions based on the knowledge you have or can seek out from others (including through prayer), to the best of your abilities. So, take action. Make a decision. Sometimes in life the worst decision is no decision at all. Because my husband and I have always been indecisive, I’ve made an effort to talk with Avery about the importance of making choices, with confidence. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that no matter how much time I put into the decision, I tend to make the “wrong” one. But either way …

Third, you have to trust that God that things will work out, knowing that you did everything you could to make the best decision possible. It’s in His hands. Whether everything works out perfectly the way you thought it would or it all falls apart and you end up completely dependent on Him. Either way, there’s no amount of worry or stress that will prevent it or change it. So, let go. And let God take care of the rest.

The kids seem to be handling things well. Although they were in the car with us right behind where the accident happened, I don’t know how much they saw or if they are really processing what happened. Charlie had a clear view out his window though. Every once in a while he will say “Chris car rolling in grass?” Sometimes as a statement and other times as a question. He seems concerned that they will have to buy a new car and then will say “it happens.” He also remembers that mom prayed for Chris and Kerry. That means a lot to me. When we had lunch yesterday and I hadn’t mentioned their names in prayer beforehand, Charlie reminded me.

While we were in the car after the accident, though, the kids didn’t say one word. They didn’t whine or complain about anything or even ask what was happening. It was an encouragement to me because I don’t know what I would have done if they were scared, too. It’s now that I can be thankful that my kids have seen me crying irrationally a few times in their lives. We weren’t exactly calm and cool.

Not wanting to ignore the incident, I have talked with them about it a few times. It has been a great opportunity to talk with them about God’s sovereignty and control over everything. While I was combing Avery’s hair after her much-needed post-camping bath (despite the fact that she said “but I went swimming in the lake, so I am clean!”) I was able to compare the experience to Daniel and the lion’s den, which she learned at Sunday school the previous weekend. When we had talked about that story, she said Daniel didn’t get hurt “because an angel came and held the lions’ mouths shut.” So, I stopped combing her hair for a moment and wrapped my arms around her while I described what it must have been like for them to know that God was there protecting them. We talked again about how God can be with everyone, and in heaven, at the same time, which seemed to really make an impression on her. You never know how an event like this will affect young minds so I am relieved to know that friends are praying for them and that we have been able to talk opening with them about it.

We had been driving a while, the kids comatose and the rest of us going over the highs and lows of the weekend, when we noticed our friends in a black Saturn Vue just ahead (we found out later he had taken a wrong turn from the campground enabling us to catch up). We began to scheme ways to embarrass and entertain them, having decided to draw a picture of a butt and “moon” them (okay, so maybe having been camping didn’t exactly help our maturity level but mooning came up a few times in conversation for a variety of reasons so it seemed timely). We were directly behind them, as they passed a silver SUV, and we waited our turn so we could pull up next to them. When, suddenly, our friends swerved to avoid the other vehicle as it creeped into their lane, then over corrected and rolled into the ditch. I immediately shouted “Lord help them! Oh, God, protect them!” And then they rolled and rolled, four times, across the ditch and into oncoming traffic on the other side. They landed upright, but on the far side of the West-bound traffic, facing the opposite direction that they had been traveling. Thankfully, any oncoming traffic was far enough back that they were able to pull over and avoid making a bad situation worse. Matt also somehow safely pulled the car over to the side of the road and ran across both lanes of traffic to go to them. Fearing the worst, I felt completely helpless, knowing that all I could do was pray.

Kim used her cell phone to call 911 and attempt to reach our other friends who had gone ahead. It seemed forever before the ambulance arrived, especially since it came from the opposite direction, driving right past us to the turnaround before getting to our friends trapped in their vehicle.

Then all we could do was wait before Matt returned to let us know that they were both okay and talking (an eternity it seemed). Eventually, they were taken to a nearby hospital in Madison and we made our way there to see them, having met up with friends who were close enough to turn around and join us. We were able to visit with them and even laugh with them and pray with and for them.

Having seen what happened, I know how miraculous it is that they both walked out of the hospital and were home by midnight that night, with scratches, bruises and soreness to be sure, but nothing more. I envision God wrapping his arms around each of them to protect them, as glass and bits of plastic showered around them, but the structural components of the vehicle holding together.

We are so thankful for our friends, obviously those who were in the accident, and those who were supporting them at the hospital and now at home with meals and errands and love and prayers. I can’t even begin to imagine what an event like this would be without the hope of the Lord Jesus Christ and the support of God-fearing friends.

Not that I’m trying to shift the blame, but it IS really hard to be selfless in a selfish world. If everyone was selfless, the world would be perfect. But people tend to look out for themselves–numero uno–and take advantage of those who don’t. But the Bible teaches another way, living in a loving, selfless community serving one another, no matter what the circumstances. In fact, God expects this kind of behavior from us–from me.

Every month or so we get calls from the vets or the cancer society to make donations. Because we don’t spend a lot on things like clothes and toys, it’s hard for me to give them up (not that it is to say that it’s easier for those who do, but you know what I mean). But, I’m usually able to round up a few things (which my husband always inspects and seems to be able to give me a reason to keep at least one thing I’ve thrown in–it doesn’t take much) and we are able to give a box or two away every other month or so. But is that enough? Is that what we’ve been called to do? I don’t think so. Can we really make a difference, witness to the world, by giving away a faded shirt or a breadmaker we never use?

I’m asking God for ideas, opportunities where I can bless others more specifically. Not that it’s still a selfless act, since I want to “look to the interest of others” because I know it will make me feel good. But it’s the only way I can take focus off the here and now and the things of this world and start looking toward the there and then and the truth of God. And, therefore, reflecting God by becoming more like Christ. It seems so simple. But it IS easier said than done, at least for me, but all things are possible through Him.