Lies men believe #2

“Non-sexual touch is an oxymoron.”

One of my favorite things in the entire world is massage. This “touch” can range from playing with my hair to neck effleurage to a full-on Swedish back massage. With sitting at the computer, holding my kids, playing on the floor and washing dishes as part of my daily routine, my upper back and shoulders are so extremely tight all the time. But it is nearly impossible to get my husband to give my muscles any attention. I know I am not alone. This seems to be a hot topic among many married women. Why is that?

According to our pastor, 80% of touch should be non-sexual. And women need non-sexual touch 8 times a day. Sorry, this does not include butt slaps and boob grabs. Unfortunately for my husband, who tried yesterday to be aware of his touch after the Sunday message, I barely noticed. I think the problem here is that it’s not a magical mathmatical formula. Touch is part of creating a healthy environment where we feel loved and cherished.

But I will say, massage scores big points with me, and I can’t imagine it not leading to more sex (although my husband feels otherwise). That being said, do you think I’ll get a massage tonight? Not likely. Even if I directly request it, he somehow is able to avoid the task and the subject. He’s like a magician that makes unwanted requests disappear into thin air, because I don’t even realize it happens until it’s too late and he’s fast asleep. This wasn’t the case last night, so I am not sure why I am thinking about it now. But I guess if a guy can think about sex every 17 seconds, I can dream about massages a couple times a day!

“Husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.” 1 Peter 3:7

See also Lies men believe.


3 thoughts on “Lies men believe #2

  1. Thanks for sharing a comment on my blog earlier. I was curious to hear your thoughts on Halloween, so I stopped by.

    This particular blog entry caught my attention. In fact, I’ve done some entries on similar thoughts. There’s a wonderful book entitled “His Needs, Her Needs” that does a good job of identifying the differences between the top needs of men and women. I know that in my marriage, it was beneficial to me–and the marriage–to learn that my needs are different than my wife’s.

  2. ah yes, but the reverse is true also, isn’t it? as a Christian man who delights in non-sexual touch and massage with ‘no strings’, how is that we men always seem to have to ASK for sexual touch…wouldn’t it be fair then to require all non-sexual touch to be explicitly asked for, including hugs…I can recognize and feed her need for non-sexual touch without being directed to do so, is it not fair that she recognize and feed my need for sexual touch with ‘no strings attached’ to extensive foreplay and cuddling? (i.e., a ‘quickie”?

  3. I do not disagree with you, Bill. In my situation, however, it doesn’t apply very well. If I am to ask my husband anything, the chances of it happening are next to none. He wants it to be his own idea on his own terms. On the opposite end, you make a good point. However, I am more willing to improve myself in this area and am aware of his needs and his desire for me to be responsive to him. Whereas my husband doesn’t seem to see my perspective as far as what I desire from him.

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