I am really struggling with, well, discontent or maybe guilt, because of my kitchen. Even though—or maybe especially—now that it has crossed over from simple “desire” to “need” and we are actually talking the first steps to getting it done, I can’t stop focusing on how much I want it. I truly am obsessed with getting a new kitchen. I can’t think of anything else!I want to please God with my life and with my heart. But, I know that I am distracted; my heart wants a new kitchen. I am constantly thinking about it, researching it, studying it, planning it, dreaming about it … It is exciting and it does require thought and execution, but how do I know if I cross a line? How do you be content with something, while still making a change for the better? It’s been the source of my anger many times so I guess there’s some guilt about whether I “deserve” it. But that’s mighty self-centered of me to think that it’s all about me and my desire or will.
I do realize there could be much worse in my life, and I could have much worse in my kitchen. Like: no food, or no kitchen or house at all. I keep reminding myself that there are people in the world in worse situations than mine. Thankfully, we live in a neighborhood … city … state … country that is blessed! Sometimes that makes it difficult to remember how well off we really are. But, I truly don’t believe that what we are asking for is too much. It may be my “dream” kitchen but it is by no means an overindulgence. We want to keep it simple and as cost-effective as possible, while not making too many compromises. We do, after all, need to consider resale value and out own comfort and needs.
Anyway, the trick with this kitchen is going to be completely gutting it, building new walls, moving appliances and electrical and plumbing, installing new cabinets and lighting … and, well, the list goes on. All the while, we need to be good stewards with our money. It’s all God’s stuff after all, and He has blessed us with what we have—it’s all because of Him.
I guess the point to my rambling is that I would keep perspective during the entire project, remembering that it is God who blesses us, and that we truly are blessed (with what we have and with the opportunity to take on this project). My prayer is that we would be wise and discerning in all our decisions so that we would not compromise our spiritual integrity in this process. We need to find ways to complete the kitchen with the right attitude and without being financially selfish or putting ourselves before God. Is it possible?!?!