For the past week or so, I haven’t been able to think about anything but sex. But not in the way you might think! I volunteered to give a testimony at a sexual purity retreat for senior high girls through my church. The leaders wanted a few women to come share what they did right and wrong and answer girls’ questions about our real life experience. When I got the email, I wanted to ignore it. But I couldn’t. It has been my prayer lately that I want to be used by God. I keep saying “I’m here!” “I’m willing!” But I have years of evidence indicating that I’m really not. When opportunities come up, I seem to have some really good reasons why God is not calling me for that job specifically. And maybe He’s not always, but I want to cultivate a habit of saying YES. If I respond more often, I am more likely to be able to hear the Holy Spirit when it does matter. It’s better to be obedient and wrong than to ignore the calling. Quite simply, the fact that I couldn’t stop thinking about it, led me to believe that I needed to step up and volunteer.
But I am really nervous. For three reasons: I don’t like to speak “formally.” I am a writer. And it frustrates me to try to speak like I write because it’s just not going to happen. I am much better with the written word than I am speaking, even conversationally for that matter. Secondly, teenagers intimidate me! I think it simply goes back to my teenage years when I was self-conscious and shy. Thankfully, the effects of this are slowly subsiding as my kids get older—and I find my confidence and identity in Christ instead of myself. Thirdly, this is a sensitive topic! I don’t like talking about sex with my husband in my bedroom, much less in a room full of girls and women whose eyes are all on me.
But I am going to do it. May God bless me with the JOY that comes with obedience! :)
“Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.” John 14:21