Giver of life

I was sharing the story of our experience with a friend at a baby shower yesterday and it made me realize that I have never posted about it, since it happened before I started blogging. Of course, it was a pivotal moment in my life, and spiritually, so I decided to write it now. Besides, I thought by now everyone knew. But for those who don’t …

In late August 2003, we finally went to a fertility specialist after having tried for almost two years to have a baby of our own. We were quite disappointed in the outcome, however. Without knowing whether there was, in fact, something wrong physically (the doctor felt additional tests would be expensive and muddy the waters, not really revealing any additional truth), we decided not to move forward with his recommendations, which included the drug Clomed and intra-uterine insemination with a shot to induce ovulation. He called it the “more bullets/more targets” method. Something just didn’t seem right about it … it was all much too mechanical. We decided it wasn’t how we want to bring a child into this world.

The trouble was … We were told that with my health (I had menstrual issues since I was 16 and finally had a cyst and ovary removed in April 2002) and age (I must have been ancient at 27) that we had a 1-2% chance of getting pregnant naturally.

But it was a chance we were willing to take. We figure if God is the giver of life, we have faith that he can give us a baby without using medical procedures. But we prayed and prayed about it. Was it really the right decision? Did God lead us to this doctor? Are we not meant to have kids yet? Should we adopt? I remember clearly running on the trail with tears down my face, knowing that maybe what I have wanted with all my heart since I can remember–to have children–may not be a part of God’s plan for us. But still, in that moment, I knew it would be okay. Together, though we asked for discernment in our decision and prayed that we would place our trust in Him. We couldn’t make this decision on our own, and we didn’t have to … the very next month we were pregnant!

We are actually thankful for this opportunity to have our faith challenged because it showed us in ways we couldn’t have expected that God is in control. All we have to do is trust Him. And for one of the first times in my life, particularly, I truly surrendered to Him, even though this was something I wanted so badly. We finally had come to realize that our dreams, our hopes, our plan meant nothing in the face of what God had in store for us if only we trust in Him.

We also are so grateful for friends and family who knew of our situation and prayed that God’s will would be done—even specifically that we would become pregnant (you know who you are, Erica! :). It means so much to us that you care and understand the power of prayer.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

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