My Portion

I’ve been asking God to speak to me LOUD and CLEAR. I so desperately want to hear His voice in the chaos of life. I’m being more intentional about taking quiet time, literally being quiet, to make myself available to what He wants to say. But sometimes it just doesn’t go the way I want.

I’ve been thinking about this and wondering what God’s trying to teach me by being so darn quiet lately. On Sunday, we had a time of reflection where our pastor asked us to think about the chorus from Hillsong’s “You are My Shield:”

You are my Shield, my Strength,
My Portion, Deliverer,
My Shelter, Strong Tower
My very present help in time of need

I wasn’t really sure what we were supposed to do during that time. But at the last second the pastor said to focus on one characteristic and think about what that means to you. I read through the lyrics a few times. Again, feeling a little unsure about whether I was connecting with God through this exercise. I began to wonder if I was doing it right at all? Nothing was shouting out at me.

But I started to think about “Portion.” What does that mean exactly? He is the fulfillment of all my needs, not anything from my own doing or from those around me or anything in this world. I decided for me it meant God is exactly what I needed when I need Him. I don’t know if that’s what the songwriter meant, but it was a powerful statement. Soon, the moment was over and we sang the song together.

When it ended and we were standing to continue worship with another song, Avery–who I didn’t think had been paying attention at all and I was about to “shush” for talking–leaned over to me and asked: “Mom, what does portion mean?”

I blinked back my initial shock that I had been just meditating on that very question and was able to give her a quick but thoughtful answer.

It was comforting confirmation that even when God’s not SHOUTING in my ear, that I can hear Him guiding me when I am willing to listen. He is faithful to provide wisdom when we ask for it.

“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26

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