I don’t own a dog. Not yet anyway. We are on the fast track to doggie ownership and I don’t see any way around it. I mean, how can we resist when my daughter has not only been begging for years but also tells me, while having a discussion about the types of dogs she likes best and those doesn’t like as well (for the record, beagles and shih tzus top the list): “Mom, I want to get a sad dog and make him happy.” Still makes me tear up just thinking about it.
The problem is that dogs poop. They also smell, try to lick my face, chew my precious things and bark. But none of this compares to my disgust of dog poop. Don’t get me wrong, even I think dogs—and especially puppies—are cute. But I’m talking about poop here. Poop. It’s gross. You know this, I know this, everyone knows this. I don’t even like to talk about it much less deal with it. My parents remind me almost every time we visit (we just spent 5 glorious sun-filled days in Arizona) about how mad I would get when every night at the dinner table, there would be some discussion about the dog’s business. Really? Now? Can we at least wait until after I finish my Hamburger Helper please? Thankyouverymuch.
If there was some way to make the dog clean up after himself, I’d be all for that. But dogs are blissfully unaware of how gross it is to have their waste in my yard. Instead, I will definitely do my best attempt to make puppy poopy pick-up the kids’ jobs. There has to be some “responsibility” to bring down the excitement of a new pet, right? And the only thing worse than cleaning up the poop is leaving it, turning the yard into a mine zone of excrement. No, thanks. I also like the idea of making the dog carry the little baggies needed for walks in the neighborhood (yes, dogs poop in other people’s yards, too!). I think he can at least do that much after the “master” has cleaned up after him. I don’t think there’s much less disgusting task than swinging around the dog’s poop bag as I walk down my street (there’s really no way to be discreet about it either).
But, in the end, I know how this works out. It will be me. I’ll be picking up poop. And carrying poop bags. And bathing the dog. And getting licked in the face. And I’m sure it will be all worth it. At least the economy will get a boost with the upswing in sales of Softsoap and hand sanitizer. But most of all, my little girl (who seems less little every day) will get to make a sad puppy, happy.
PS By the way, this post is the result of a challenge from a friend to write about poop. So, please rate me 1-10 to let me know how I did. Of course, I’ll consider any rating at all a success because it meant you read to the end of this post.